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Sipping Vodka


A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous On the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

  • 1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
  • 2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
  • 3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
  • 4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
  • 5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
  • 6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
  • 7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.
  • 8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.
  • 9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
  • 10) We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
  • 11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take
  • this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me" .
  • 12) The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,.
  • 13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
  • 14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST.Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

The Origination of this letter is unknown



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Haftungsauschluß:

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last updated: 24.04.2005, 21:26
Max Kicherer (e-mail: max+www@siski.de)